Feeling my way

You heading out, Kate? Let’s walk together.”

Jan and I rarely interact. While we work for the same employer, in the same department, she is high on one end of the power ladder and I am low on the other. My curiosity about what she wants to say is put to rest as soon as we step into the hallway. 

“I’m going to retire at the end of the year and wanted to tell you before the announcement goes out.”

The news is no surprise, but that she would tell me one-on-one is a BIG surprise. I feel an immediate generosity toward Jan and am keen to respond—not to the message—but to the soul who shares it.

“The last three years have been the hardest of my career,” she continues. “I always told myself I’d work to 65 but then COVID hit and I couldn’t walk away. Fortunately we’ve come through the worst of it. Not that I’m without energy, that part’s good … and I love the people … the work too … everyone’s been great … I’m just … I’m … I’m ready to be done.”

Jan’s eyes are intense, her smile tight, and the rush of ‘explanation’ suggests conflict. I imagine she is on her knees—or belly—stretching for a finish-line. And while retirement promises relief, it also means leaving a job of 40 years that is not career alone, but calling. 

Moved by her display of fatigue and devotion, I choke up.

“I cannot imagine how heavy your responsibilities have been,” I manage to say. “The weight must be tremendous … I understand that you are ready to lay it all down.”

Jan sheds her own tears and we exchange a warm embrace. Small talk follows before we part ways. Just as she opens the back door to disappear into her office, Jan’s voice rings down the sterile corridor:

“Thanks for sharing your emotions!”